Message to the addict

My husband is an addict and when he first started to try and get clean he said something to me that has stuck with me. I call my husband, Big Daddy. Big Daddy said, Michele, all of us addicts don't wake up one day and say, “I think I will become an addict today and screw up my life." It wasn't until I understood what addiction is and how one becomes an addict that I understood and felt sympathy for him. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I want to punch him in the face.

Many people that have opinions about addicts have not taken the time to gain some knowledge about addiction. I like to call those people Republicans. ha ha just kidding. But the word I was going to use is not nice either so we will leave it at that.

Don't let anyone tell you that your addiction is your fault or that it's your choice. They are just uneducated about this subject and most of the time they are the ones that are making the choice to give an opinion that they know nothing about. I think those people that always have an opinion and have not done research on the subject  like to sound like they no something, but in reality they sound dumb as hell.

Addiction is not about you being a weak person, a bad person or not having the will power. Don't ever feel ashamed of your disease. Addiction is a disease and once you are addicted to whatever your drug of choice is your brain (scientifically proven) changes and when your brain changes, you change. So you can understand why some might think your this terrible person, it’s almost like a split personality, if someone makes you feel like this terrible person just tell them it’s not you its Frank. (Trying to add some humor there) I sometimes describe Big Daddy as two people because my Big Daddy without the drugs is not the same person on drugs. He's an ass on drugs but I do understand that he struggles everyday with his disease just as he does dealing with his kidney stones. I just wanted you and "Frank" to know that you’re not alone and there is help for your disease. That's where your choice comes in to play. 

 

R.I.P  Irvian Adam Singleton, Jr.

http://theadvocate.com/home/4128391-125/acadiana-police-and-fire-briefs

 

Not so simple....

I seen this book that said, Recovery in twelve SIMPLE steps.  Simple my ass!!

When Big daddy got off Methadone and started group therapy I couldn't understand why it was taking him so long to get through the steps. I mean really, how hard could it be?  Well let me be the first to tell you it's hard but very rewarding.

 I remember grabbing his na workbook and thought to myself, I'll show him how this is done.  I got through the book pretty quick.  I learned I'm to giving and I don't like to say no and I want everyone to like me.  Lets just say if you learned something like that doing your 12 steps wrong and you might want to start over again.   It took me another year to pick that book up again and I finally got it right.  

Step 1, ADMIT I HAVE A PROBLEM. How am I going to admit I have a problem when I am not an addict? I'm perfect so this was hard.:)

A little history

Brief history about the past, Big daddy passes chronic kidney stones since he was 18. He was taking vicrodin all the time because of the stones and of course your body gets immune so you have to move up to something stronger. He moved up to methadone.  I had never heard of methadone and it took a while to find out what he was taking. I knew he was on something really bad.  He became this nasty person and I always describe him as Devil. He never had anything nice to say and we would argue all the time.  He always had the "nod" going on and I had burn holes in every blanket, his clothes, carpet and even my mattress.

The truth will set you free

I've been sitting here for 30 minutes trying to figure out how to start this blog, asking myself questions like,  how much should I share with all of you ? What if my kids see or one of my gossiping family members, or a neighbor ?  What will they think?  Will they judge my family? Will they take something I say wrong ? Will someone be so uneducated about addiction they will get scared and stop talking to someone in my family?

After another 30 minutes of talking to my self I came up with this:

I can't help anyone if I'm not 100 percent honest.  I had to remind myself over and over that it's OK to feel like I do sometimes because most of us dealing with an addict goes through the same things, the same feelings. I also reminded myself that I have a voice, an opinion and I live in the good ole United States of America where  I have freedom of speech.  Thank you al-non, and thank you to the 12 steps and thank you to my husband  for helping become the woman that I am today.   I might hurt someones  feelings and possibly scar my children for life, I might scare my neighbors to move away and If I do any of the above I won't apologize to you for who I am or what I feel, (nor should you) I can only suggest to you that you get  over it or get a counselor. 

That being said, Hi, my name is Michele and I've been married for 21 years , 3 great kids and a pit bull that I have learned to love. :)  My husband is an addict, and my oldest daughter is struggling with addiction and my nephew who I helped raise and love so much is an addict. My 16 year old is addicted to food. 

 15-year-old  who died after taking ecstasy  R.I.P  Isobel Jones-Reilly