My visit with Patrick

This is the first time I saw Patrick since Brittany OD. He just got out of jail and was already high.  I sat and talked to him on the porch for a while, and gave him a ride to his grandmothers.

My heart aches for him. Patrick is feeling guilt for Brittany’s death. I explained to him that it was not his fault. They both have an addiction and she lost the fight. Patrick told me he almost lost the fight a month ago. 

Words of an addict.

Patrick…It wasn’t my fault; the shit I got was bad. All I remember is waking up in the bathroom with police and paramedics around me. They took me to the hospital and I see Uncle Tom walk in and I knew everyone in the family would know and think what a fuck up I am so I pulled the IV out and left. I mean it won’t happen again, I have Sophia (Brittany and Patrick’s daughter) to think about.  I am clean now. (DENIAL)  I don’t have a place to stay Michele. I am clean now can I stay here and get myself working and on my feet. No one will help me.

Me—you’re not clean Pat. You’re high on pills right now. Just because you have not stuck the needle in your arm yet does not mean you are clean. You need help. I can only offer you rehab. I love you and I am sorry.

My daughter Brittany gave him a hug. Last time she saw Brittany she asked for a pair of flip flops because her feet hurt from walking all day. My Brittany said no because of frustration watching them slowly fade away.  When Brittany passed away my daughter felt guilt. She wished she gave her the shoes. My Brittany made sure to tell Patrick she loved him -- we know he is next. 
 
The next day I needed to get into my husband’s cube truck, and before I opened it, I thought, what if Patrick snuck in the back of the truck for shelter and is dead from an overdose.  I hesitated because that is a good possibility that might happen one day.
Just for the record—I am tired of this disease. Please God, help all addicts find a way to kick this disease in the butt.  Amen

Every post ends with someone who has died because of drugs
RIP Dana Reisman-accidental fatal drug overdose